From time to time I still remember I have a blog to run, so here I am ready to write.
Now that I am done with high school, and I moved on to the massive amount of paperwork I have to do for the visa and such, I had some time to realize that a lot of things are going to change very soon, and I started asking myself how moving to Taipei will affect my relationship with Harvey. He obviously is one of the main reasons why I chose Taipei: I want to be with him, he wants to be with me and spending another five years apart was out of question, because even if we were not made for each other – and I hope it is not the case- we wouldn’t be able to tell by living so far from each other…
People think once you overcame the distance you can overcome everything, but even if there’s no doubt that long distance relationships are difficult, being in one is kind of like living in a bubble, which can preclude you many things but also somehow protect you from some other. I dream about leaving that bubble, but I am also aware that leaving it means having to readjust to a completely new situation, and it might be a bit complicated.
Let’s see why:
Your special one’s lifestyle and yours might not be as compatible as you thought
While we are apart, it doesn’t really matter that my room is a mess and I love street food while Harvey’s room is spotless and he prefers to sit down when eating. It doesn’t
matter if I like tea and he likes coffee, or if I wake up and goes to sleep earlier and he likes to stay up late. It doesn’t matter if I super super love cats and he doesn’t like them as much, or if I prefer fans whereas he is a fan of the AC (punpunpun). It doesn’t matter now because we can’t and thus don’t have to share a room or decide where to go to lunch so we have the luxury to spend hours and hours talking together in the environment that suits us the most without having to compromise. We will have to compromise much more once I move to his city, and while we both know it’s worth it, we can’t pretend it won’t take time to adjust.
Less time to spend just talking
When you are in a long distance relationship all you can do is chat: you talk on skype, you call each other, text a lot, you basically spend your time verbally communicating, often retelling detailed stories, discussing your own feelings and so on. Now, Harvey and I only met twice in real life since we became a couple almost two years ago, but both times we didn’t get to talk quite as much as we usually do, because although we were spending more time together we were much busier planning stuff and doing said stuff than just chatting as usual. I think when “transitioning” from a long distance relationship to a more ordinary one can put a couple in danger of losing sight of how important it is to just have some time just to sit down and talk. It’s kind of like letting a child loose in a candy shop after feeding him only vegetables for a week: he might know that vegetables are good for his health but he will just try to grab as many sweets as possible because he didn’t have any lately. In the same way, couples which have been in a long distance relationship for a long time might forget for a while how good communication is for them as lovers,because they just missed too much physically being together.
Right now whenever one of us is sleeping the other is automatically free, and when we are both awake we just need to open our computers and it’s magically Skype time. But what will happen when I move to Taiwan? My guess is that we won’t see each other as much as now but we will keep texting and maybe make phone calls quite often. It might seem like being in the same timezone would make things easier, but since right now Harvey’s free time is mostly late at night because of his school’s crazy class hours, and late at night isn’t my forte, I guess we will have to settle for a couple of afternoon a week. Of course I might be wrong, but what I am trying to say is that we will for sure have to rethink our “dating pattern” and this will probably affect the way we spend our free time too. For example, right now I can chat with him the whole afternoon (his night) and then go out with my friends later, without having to choose, but this is only because we live in different timezones. Later on, we will have to learn how to balance our time and organize it more efficiently, something that kind of scares my disorganized self deeply. Oh but don’t worry, I got an organizer. Hashtag adult life.
I still can’t wait to move to Taipei but I want to say one thing: “beating the distance” is not going to magically solve all your issues, and might even put you in the position to solve problems you never had to face before as a couple. So what does that teach us? That there will never be a time in wich you can take your relationship for granted and stop trying to make it better, that no matter if you have your significant other by your side or not, things might get rough and you still have to fight for it if you think it’s worth it.
And this professional complainer here still thinks it’s all worth it.